Ever had a broken heart?
This month, Nadine Adrian Alice (currently in canada but soon to hit UK shores) fills in for me by talking about a few things which helped heal her broken heart. These include books… and cupcakes (wow, two of my favorite things!). This is a real treat and a piece some (if not all of us) can relate to!
Take it away Nadine….
I started last year asking anyone and everyone this two part question: Have you ever had your heart broken; how did you get over it. I was determined to get over he who I love loved.
In my search, I was running away from the truth that I still loved him. What to do? Well I listened intently to all those who said yes to the question. Guys, girls, straight couples, same sex couples. They all had experienced severe heartbreak. And they all agreed getting over it was difficult and that I couldn’t escape the hurt and feelings.
I thought not living in the same country as him would help so I moved away. Wrong.
I baked a ton of cupcakes. And I can’t lie – this did help some.
I read a bunch of books to help me escape, including While You Were Dreaming, by the faboosh Ms. Jaye herself. Oh how I wished I would wake up from this hurt and have my own Michael waiting for me. I did learn one thing though – part of me was mourning an ‘imagined version’ of the relationship I had just exited.
These imagined moments were hopeful moments I had conjured up in my mind. For example – weekend getaways; waking up in his arms and snuggling Saturday mornings away, dancing to Bob Marley’s “I Don’t Want To Wait In Vain For Your Love” on a grey and drizzly Sunday afternoon.
I soon realized that I was mourning a lost HOPE, not necessarily the real lived experience of the relationship. A big difference. This realization put my heartache into perspective. So here I am mourning a hope unfulfilled. But if hope is eternal – I can put my trust in the faith that Hope will bring love again.
The backstory of my heaviest heartache reads like the perfect chick flick. We met in primary school aged 4, lived on the same council estate. He was on the climbing frame.
Dialogue as follows:
Him: Let me see your knickers
Fast forward 29ish years later via an email from him:
Him – Nad’s I fancied you the whole of primary school
Me: Shut up. I totally crushed on Craig Geddes. (a.k.a. Not you).
Him: Do you remember showing me your knickers?
Me: Eh. I’m not that kind of girl – my milkshake ain’t for the boys in the yard.
Him: I remember your cornrows and skinny arms
Me: skinny arms – sure you got the right girl.
Him: I know I do… you’ve always been my Nad’s
And it was from here we both agreed we had found the ONE. So how could it end with so much brokenness?
In my quest to get over him I read the book, “ It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken”. I was so proud of my proactive, getting over hurt self. But by page 53 – I’d had enough of the book – it was reminding me of what I knew – I was hurting – and by focusing on the break up I was focusing on him and the sadness too much. I wanted to free my mind of him and get over him. The only successful advice I carried out from the book was not to contact him for 60 days. I called on the 61st however.
It is now a whole year later. Recently, I wrote the DO NOT SEND letter. You know the one where you pour out your truth and heart to him and then burn it. Unfortunately I sent it.
But – this letter turned out to be my breakthrough. When I read that letter back to myself I learned that in trying so hard to get over him I have been lying to myself and this is preventing me from moving forward. I am not over him. I still love him. And this is okay to admit. The relationship ending is not a failure on my part. I was fortunate to experience love. The hope I experienced during this relationship proves that I want good things for me.
Now I can say yes, I love him but it’s over. This opens me up to love – and the hope that the gift of love will come again.
And when it does I will let you know.
In the meantime here is the super yum recipe for my feel better cupcakes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees (gas mark 4)
1cup unsalted butter (not margarine)
1cup sugar (not quite filled to the top)
Mix butter and sugar together for 3 mins (no less) until fluffy and creamy
2 eggs – mix again for 30 sec
1 cup of self – raising flour – and a 1/ 4 cup more
Almost ½ cup of carnation milk (evaporated milk) and then add vanilla extract – enough to fill the ¼cup to the brim
Mix together on slow until all mixed in.
Pour into cupcake holders and bake in centre of oven for 12 mins – or until knife comes out of the cupcakes clean.
Cool and eat warm or add frosting.
½ cup unsalted butter
Mix butter on high until creamy
Add 2 cups of icing sugar
Add ¼ cup carnation milk
Mix until well blended.
Add more icing sugar and vanilla extract until desired consistency and taste.
Add pink colouring – because pink is best.
Top with silver balls – (because looks really pretty and will make you smile)
Enjoy with tea and Being Lara!